Breaking News: Saints Conclave

Vatican Sources Confirm Intra-Clerical Power Struggle

Cardinals gather in secret conclave, locked away for hours, their only sustenance a stale wafer and a faint hope of reform.

Secret Ballot Results Cardinals' Canteen: Behind the Scenes

We have it on good authority that a particularly grumpy cardinal has been spotted muttering under his breath, "I'm going to get me another cup of coffee... or a sledgehammer, one of those two."

Meanwhile, a group of cardinals have taken up a rousing chorus of 'I will survive' in an attempt to lift spirits.

Cardinals' Karaoke Night